You know, 'Weeding the Garden' is an awesome metaphor... I'm pretty clever. Too bad my blog isn't going to be metaphoric. It is about exactly what the title states.
Yesterday, I took Chloè out with me to weed our vegetable garden. She gave herself the job, since I wouldn't actually let her weed, of taking a water gun and watering the bottom of the plants. We talked about all the plants and how nicely they were growing. We argued over why she couldn't have another popsicle. We debated on whether a three year old could maneuver her feet well enough to not crush plants. I'm sure you can figure out who was pro-side and who was con-side. Well, she let me know that if I didn't let her in the garden, she was going to pull out all my plants. I took that opportunity to explain to her precisely what would happen to a little three year old girl who did something like that. She decided that she should *not* in fact step in the garden. She proceeded to pull out grass on the side. No biggie...
Until...
As I'm trying to figure out if what I'm about to pull are weeds or radish sprouts I hear,
"Oh mommy, you do NOT need this big weed in your pretty food garden!" *YANK*
It was rosemary. So, I explained what it really was and we replanted it... for the 10th time.
She does that every. single. time. I'm starting to think it is on purpose.
Be honest... how many times per day do you visit myspace? I plead the 5th.
Would you rather do a tour of duty in Iraq or lose the use of all five senses? Dude...Iraq, no brainer. If I lost all 5 senses, it'd be like being dead anyway! Plus, you know the locals just love them some American female soldiers! Last I heard, locals got $500,000 if they got one to visit undisclosed locations! They LOVE us!
Would you rather be an insomniac or never be able to ingest caffeine again? I love my caffiene... but even *I* would give it up to sleep. I'm crabby even with my full 8. Can you imagine if I couldn't sleep? Plus, how boooooring.
Salted melon: yes or no? I'm fine with both. Just depends on me mood, matey.
What is the most embarrassing CD you own? I have a Roxette 'Joyride' CASSETTE TAPE. I'm not embarrassed of it, but there are those that think I'm wrong! (Future Sarah Update - I got rid of that 2 weekends ago (180409) during spring cleaning)
Were you honest in answering the last question? yes. Even to the smallest detail. I even mentioned it was a TAPE
Do all guys with British accents sound gay? No, just the fruity ones.
Describe the bag you carry everyday. Dark brown pocketbook type purse.
Describe its usual contents. cigs, lighters, receipts (LOTS of receipts) random change, wrappers, store cards, check cards, license, and breath spray.
How often do you eat out? Eh... with the family? Once a week, maybe. At work? I'm trying to cut back to zero, but it sometimes ends up being 3 times a week.
Describe an ordinary dinner that you cook at home. I like a good homecooked meal. Starch. Meat. Vegetables. So, dinner always fits into that standard... ALMOST always.
How many people are you in contact with from high school? A couple here and there.
How much sleep do you get on average? Not as much as I deserve, I can assure you that.
Would you rather get some sleep, or have some sex? Dude... sex all the way
Do you pluck, wax, shave or go au naturale? All but 'au naturale' - *vomit*
Do you wear your seatbelt? Yes. And a helmet. Body armor too if the weather isn't too muggy... or rainy... that shit rusts.
What is your most self destructive habit? Future Sarah Update - It moved out a little over month after this particular day. HIGH FIVE!!!
Would you say you spend too much time on Myspace? No. I can stop anytime I want.
Name a favorite song from the year you graduated high school. I have no idea.
Do you live close to your family? Yes, my parents are about 15 minutes away. And 2 of my siblings live a stone's throw away... literally... I've thrown the stones to check. (Note - Ian will actually be a stone's throw off in about a week.)
Do you keep secrets? Yup. That's why I know so many!! I know LOTS of seeeecrets!!! I jest... I'm about average... depends on if it's a secret or just gossip.
Is Elvis alive? According to the last census, there are several Elvises.
What is your favorite pair of shoes? My brown hooker boots!
Do you have to conform in order to fit in at work? I was hired as the firm jester... so no.
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? That's a really tough question! I think I would like to be able to do a year tour (living as a local) to several locations and then I'd choose.
Do you take time out for yourself? I TRY. But it is a little difficult what with the kids and all. There's no off switch with them and they seem to need constant care. ;-)
How old is your toothbrush? Older than it should be, I assure you.
Ever had dreams about your teeth breaking? No, but I've had the dream about them getting really loose and then falling out.
Why do you fill out every single survey that comes around???? This one "ultra-cool" person once said it was because I was so self-absorbed. I like to think I do it for YOU, the reader.
I kid, I do it because it's fun to me.
How often do you see your dentist? Way less than I should... But every time I go, I get great reviews!
When is bedtime? About 11:00 pm, or when I can no longer keep my eyes open.
How many credit cards do you have? I don't think we have any major ones.
Ever met someone famous?Who? Yes, William SHATNER! Also, the geek from Parker Lewis Can't Lose. Diamond Rio. Dusty Rhodes. I think I recall meeting Jeff Jarrett BRIEFLY. And there's a small number of other people I've met on TV now. OH! And I met one of the orginal astronauts, but alas, his name eludes me at the moment.
How long is your drive to work? It takes me about 10 minutes (15 with traffic), so maybe 7-8 miles.
Was this experience enjoyable, or a total waste of time? I loved it! Thanks Brandy!!
RULES: Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with six weird things/facts/habits about yourself. In the end, you have to pick six people to be tagged and list their names. Finally, you must leave a comment for them and tell them to read yours.
1. I am unfortunately competitive. More so than I let on. :-D
2. I really, really HATE talking on the phone.
3. I'm afraid of the dark AND scary movies.
4. I absolutely love getting emails.
5. 8 times out of 10, I'm cracking myself up... even if it's just with my own thoughts.
6. I've always thought it would really suck to have to raise teens taller than you...which is unfortunate for me as I'm 5'2"... the odds are not in my favor.
3. What are you listening to right now? The TV beside me.
4. What are the last 4 digits in your phone number? 6309 (heh)
5. What was the last thing you ate? Shoney's... yes, in its entirety
6. Last person you hugged? CoCo
7. How is the weather right now?. chilly, dusky
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Trish
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? That they are opposite of me
10. Favorite Food? anything I make
11. Do you want children? yes, lucky for my kids ;-)
12. Are you Single? That depends... are you an intelligent male and not looking for someone to support you and your equally lazy secret new girlfriend? Over 30 AND able to refrain from smoking the reefer with 14 year old girls? (note to reader - Future Sarah changed this answer *wink*)
13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night? how would I know if I forgot it if I was so drunk I wasn't going to remember it?
14.. Hair color? dark auburn
15. Eye color? hazel
16. Do you wear eye contacts? yes and thank you for specifying which kind, as I do *not* wear elbow contacts.
17. Favorite day? depends on what's going on
18. Favorite Season? spuh-ring
19. Have you ever cried over a girl/guy? yes
20. Last Movie you Saw? I can NOT remember!!!!
29. What books are you reading? I can not remember the name of it!!! And I'm far too lazy to go upstairs and see
30. Piercings? yup
31. Favorite Movie(s)? far too many
32. Favorite football Team? WVU
33. What were you doing before filling this out? Reading Jenn's answers.
34. Any pets? yes, a lab mix (Timber) and a fish
35. AiM S/N? nada
36. Do you prefer dogs or cats? Dogs
38. Favorite Flower? i like most of them
40. Have you ever loved someone? Yes
41. Who would you like to see right now? There's lots of people I'd like to see whom I miss.
43. Have you ever fired a gun? yes, many many many times... military, you know
44. Do you like to travel by plane? Freaking LOVE it.
45. Right-handed or Left-handed? Left-handed
46. If you could go to any place right now where would you go? Metaphorically? I'm already there.
48. Are you missing someone? not really
49. Do you have a tattoo? no, sadly
50. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings? sometimes, but they aren't as good as they were when I was a kid.
51. ARE YOU HIDING SOMETHING FROM SOMEONE? uh... no.
52.WHAT IS THE SCREEN SAVER ON YOUR CELLPHONE? Why are you yelling at me?
53. WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE? No, really, *why* are you yelling at me?
54. DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT? yes... which is a good thing if you are going to yell at me all night.
55. FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING? I hope nobody yells at me today... and I'm going to sleep some more.
56. WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE? contacts, my book, phone, fan, and electric heater... oh... and water.
57. GRILLED OR FRIED? grilled
59. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE? Lots of things. I'm quite a character.
60. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? sadly, YES.
61. FAVORITE HANGOUT? My house when it's clean. It has all the comforts of home.
62. 3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT? mi familia, my wonderful but hectic job, and my own little personal retreats.
63. FIRST THING YOU WILL DO IF GIVEN 1 MILLION DOLLARS? Disa-fucking-ppear bitches!!!
65. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? The dark and most bugs.
66. ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER? I'm a Tiver. More giver than taker.
67. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Sarah, Pampered Booty, Booty X, and Sareeny
68. WHAT IS YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE NAME? MANsfield
69.WHAT IS UR MOTHER'S MIDDLE NAME? Ann
70. STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD ONLY BRING FOUR PEOPLE? My girls (as one unit), Martha, a male stripper, and then I'll hold a huge contest for the 4th wherein you prove how beneficial you'd be if I chose you.
71. FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL? that moolatte commercial where the lady runs into the window blinds (I have to go with this one... it makes me laugh every damn time)
72. DO YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE? noooo... I hate the phone.
73. FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE? the girls (again, collectively)
74. Favorite color? the color of success
75. Things you always bring with you. cigs and purse
76. WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID? yelling again, hmmm. I wanted to be a mega pop star.
77. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 12? IT DEPENDS ON WHICH 12:00 IT IS!!!!!
78. MSN S/N? DON'T USE IT!!!!!
79. WHO DO U WANT TO MEET? PEOPLE WHO CAN TYPE WITHOUT YELLING!!!!!!
80. WHAT DO U THINK ABOUT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED? Ahhhh... peace and quiet.
Well, I've been hyper busy at work (trials coming up) and at home (lots o' kids). I've been wanting to post about meeting Brandy!
I've known Brandy, via MySpace, for almost a year now. At all times, she seemed like someone I would love to know face-to-face. However, she lives in Kentucky and I live in WV. With my schedule and family, 4.5 hour drives are not something I can regularly make. We talked via MySpace a TON, we talked on Yahoo quite a bit too, once we even talked on the phone. I really felt like it was a small tragedy to not get to know her personally.
Two weekends ago, I got my chance!
The trip was on Sunday and I wasn'tgoing to get home until about 2 or 3 in the morning... and I had to work Monday... but to me, it was totally worth it to go anyway. I loaded up CoCo and CoCo-related items and made the long, looong trek there.
When we got there, I realized that 1. Lexington is confusing; and 2. Lexington was really trafficky because of the PPV. To add to that, it was piss-pouring the rain. I could NOT find her house. I called her number and we all decided that I would wait for her husband to show us the way. Meanwhile, I make jokes to myself about how Brandy was probably some huge 64 year old, 341 lbs., hairy molestor. In fact, at one point, a really beat up car pulled up and I thought, "There she is." Heh... it was above-described man... but NOT Brandy nor Brandy's husband.
Her husband shows up and I decide that we are pretty sure everything will be okay (I have never met someone I only knew through the internet before) because he had antique tags on his car. EASILY identifiable AND he couldn't be too awfully dangerous. Heh... I know, profiling like that'll really bite me in the butt one day. HA! We get to her house and it's really nice. I wasn't surprised, but I was relieved. For all I knew, she had a crack apartment, but only SAID she had a house. She offered me some coffee and then we all decided to go to dinner. We get travel mugs of coffee and head out. Near there, I realize a friend still has my check card AND all my cash. AWWWKWWWAAAAARD. I spend about 90 seconds trying to figure out how to break it to them I have no money and that it was indeed an accident and not predetermined. I decide I just have to tell them. They take it incredibly well... of course, that may be because they were planning on paying anyway, HA!
We get to this great place, I can't remember what it was called, and I accidently bring in my travel mug of coffee. I don't know why. Also, before I even got completely out of the car, Kel had already gotten CoCo out of the car, across the street, and under a covered porch (still raining). And CoCo didn't look like she was afraid of being slowly being skinned alive! The restaurant had a one-man band playing. He was kind of loud. And he did a tune or two... well, he got his cell phone out, put it up to the microphone and played a couple songs. I've never seen that done before, but I do come from the sticks. We ordered some of the best buffalo wings I've ever had. CoCo loved the wings too. We left the restaurant and our waitress (So, what are you ordering tonight, TIGER?) ran out to bring me Brandy's travel mug I'd forgotten. I was batting a thousand that night, let me tell YOU.
We then went to Blockbuster and rented a couple of movies to watch. The whole time, Brandy and Kel apologizing for not having something better planned. Clearly, they thought I came to see Lexington not Brandy. Brandy was so great with CoCo too. Most people ignore the kid or give polite banter and THEN ignore the kid. Not Brandy. She's exactly as she claims to be with children. Don't believe me? Well, you didn't see Viv's bedroom and playroom. Proof's in the puddin', people.
I had been worried about what would happen if it turned out we only liked each other online and NOT in person. Would it be the longest night of my life at her house or would it be the longest night of my life as I tried to find my way, walking, to the WWE show? I can honestly tell you that we never ever had an awkward or silent moment. We didn't talk like people who'd just met each other, either. We talked like great friends who hadn't seen each other in awhile (as opposed to never).
In short, Brandy is exactly who she is online, if not even warmer in person. Brandy looks exactly as she does in her pictures... she doesn't just post pictures she thinks make her look good while not looking like her at all. I could have EASILY picked her out of a crowd. She was DEFINITELY worth the 9 hour round trip and 3 hours of sleep before work the next day!
I played my first game just a little while ago. My face managed to stay ball-free!!!
My first game was everything I did NOT think it would be! *That's a good thing* I learned tons and tons of things!
Right field is not right. It's your military right. This is one of the IMPORTANT lessons I learned. HAHA!!!
While in the field, you move up or back, dependant on the hitter. That can be embarrassing if you go to home plate and see everyone move 7 miles forward. However, when you go to plate, you (or at least I) never see where everyone goes, so it doesn't matter.
Susan is a freaking awesome leader!!! She does everything... she never worries about it. She is understanding. She always smiles. She has fun... which makes me have fun. She's easygoing AND gets the job done. The way she explains things makes everything so easy without making you feel like a 'tard. There is a very good reason Susan is in charge. There isn't anyone who could do a better job.
I can NOT catch. I can, however, whisper "shitshitshitshitshitshitshit" and manage to whisper it loud enough for both teams to hear... even when I'm trying not to.
I can hit a ball on the first try. Well, let me explain... during THIS PARTICULAR GAME, I could do so. But, I can NOT aim the ball... nor can I not fling the bat in a manner that does not put the catcher in danger. I'm so bad at that, I stopped running to first one time to tell the catcher how sorry I was for almost hitting her... and then I ran... and then I was OUT. But that was okay because I can hit the ball. I think if you are really, really, really scared that the ball is going to hit your face then you can use a bat really well to deter said potential face damge. I had a 100% success rate on every first pitch. That is probably because I was so determined to keep the ball from hitting me. That may be because the ball was thrown easy. I really don't give a damn... I just am glad I can hit it. Now I just have to learn how NOT to hit the catcher with the flying torpedo that is my used bat.
This was a great game to start out my amazingly scary season. I know there are going to be times when I really hate it... but I am really, really glad none of them happened tonight.
So... in short. I had fun. My face is undamaged. I can bat... kinda. I still can NOT catch. The game is much more fun than I thought it would be!
Once upon a time, there was a nine year old girl who was invited to learn how to play baseball. The little girl was so happy because she really wanted to play with this person. He took her outside and told her she had to learn how to catch a ball first. He even had already bought her a special glove because she was left-handed.
He threw the ball. WHOA! He threw that ball FAST! The little girl dodged it. "DON'T DODGE THE BALL!" he said. "DON'T THROW IT AT MY FACE SO HARD!" she yelled back. He explained to her that this is how we play and that if you just throw up your glove you won't get hit. "Just. throw. up. your. glove."
Ball gets thrown again. *dodge!*
"I said NOT to dodge the ball!" "You're throwing it TOO hard!" "I'm not going to play with you if you are going to keep running from the ball."
*Repeat process*
"Look. Do NOT move. Stand there. When I throw the ball, you throw up your glove and catch it. It's that easy. DO. NOT. MOVE."
Ball thrown again. Little girl doesn't move. Little girl also doesn't get her glove up in time. Now she has a bloody nose.
"Go get cleaned up and get back out here. Now you know why you have to throw up your glove!" Little girl runs into the house, crying. That sucker HURT.
She comes back out and is told to put her glove back on. She doesn't want to play anymore. She's told she has to. She throws a big fit. She's pretty sure she's going to get hit in the face again. He tells her he doesn't play with crybabies and to get out there. She doesn't care. She wants to go inside. NO.
"You aren't going inside. You need to practice. Throw this ball straight up in the air and as it falls, throw up your glove and catch it. It isn't hard, stop being a crybaby about it. You sound like a dying cow."
He shows her how and she does it. "Throw it HIGHER. You have to throw it high because that's how it would be coming to you if someone hit it with a bat."
She just KNOWS she's going to get hit in the face again. He gets frustrated and tells her to keep practicing and goes inside. She practices for what seems like an eternity. She certainly does not want to learn baseball anymore. She goes inside and tells him she's done. He tells her she can't be and to get back out there. So she does. She wishes she could tell if he was looking out the window or not. After yet another eternity slothed by, she goes back in and just watches tv, he doesn't notice or just doesn't say anything.
A day or two later, she decides she can, in fact, 'throw up the glove' and asks him to play. He tells her she isn't ready and makes her go throw the ball up in the air and catch it for awhile.
This goes on for about a week, maybe a day or two less, before the little girl learns just not to ask him anymore. She never picked the glove back up and never had any desire whatsoever to play on any teams where the ball gets thrown. Kickball? No problem. Tennis? Serve it baby. Track? No balls no problem! Skiing? Rather break a leg than get hit in the face! Basketball? That ball's so large, it isn't getting past these forearms of fortitude. Dodge ball? OH HELL NO. Volleyball? Just so that thing can get spiked in her face?!? Are you kidding?
She got to the point where, if you threw something at her, she'd yell at you. "Don't throw shit at my face! I hate it!" Don't toss the remote... don't be all cute and flirty and wad up paper and throw it... and don't joke with no damn ball.
Twenty years later, I haven't picked up a bat. I haven't caught a baseball or softball. Of course, I've tossed kiddie balls with the kiddies... but I have been highly successful at not playing catch 'for real'. I have been moderately successful at getting out of dodgeball and volleyball. With dodgeball, you just take the damn hit as soon as you can. With volleyball, you just make sure you suck... which isn't too hard when you are afraid of the ball anyway.
Twenty years later, I've been through the military and all the training associated with it. I've been in drill sargent school. I've wrestled... been hit with chairs, gone through tables, taken difficult moves that have high potential to seriously hurt you. I'm actually descently athletic... not any type of 'allstar' athletic... but I can hold my own. I've been in more stressful situations than most and handled them all.
Twenty years later, I've grown to appreciate the humor of being told you sound like a 'dying cow' (although I've never used that phrase on my girls). However, countless people have felt my wrath for throwing things at me.
Well... something very unfortunate happened. a friend of mine wants to play on my firms's softball team. I put him on the team, and somehow, I got put on that team too. They were having a hard time getting enough people, so if I back out there probably won't be enough players. Greeeeaaaat.
Well, I decided that it's just plain dumb to not stay on a team on which I could very well have a ton of fun. I've got to get over it some time. Another twenty years of freaking out every time someone throws something at me that wouldn't even hurt if it hit me is just retarded if I can get over it.
So, I bought a bat and softball yesterday and got out two gloves. I practiced with a friend for awhile at my level, which is that of an 8 or 9 year old. It was all good until we started throwing it up in the air for me to look up and catch. THAT sucked. You have to look up... stare straight at the ball... THROW YOUR STUPID GLOVE UP... and catch it.
So, of course, I did *not* throw up my glove, but put down my head and ducked down.
And got hit in the freaking head with the ball.
So, what does an almost thirty year old do when that happens? Bursts into tears and goes upstairs to bed. It was just like being hit in the face all over again... minus the angry pitcher. Yesterday morning, I would have told you I remember everything from that fateful day in extreme detail. That wouldn't have been true... NOW I remember everything in extreme detail:
* There's the split second terror when you know you screwed up and there's no time to save yourself from the hit.
* There's the shock and pain that hits you at the exact same time as the ball.
* There's the hurt from getting hit coupled with the hurt of being hit.
* There's the embarrassment of getting hit in the head because you were too dumb to just throw up the stupid, stupid, stupid glove.
The tears came exactly as they did twenty years ago and there was NO FREAKING WAY I was going to go back out and throw that stupid ball straight up in the air and catch it. Of course, I wasn't told to do that... but when my friend kept telling me to come back, I honestly thought that was why. I wasn't coming back because I'm not nine anymore... I'm TWENTY-nine and I can finally say no.
But, I have to go back out and practice again. Not because anyone tells me I have to, but because my two games are on Tuesday and it's time to just get over it.
amused 
awake 
grateful 
determined